Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Beings Not Too Bright...

by Jimmy O'Reilly

Finally: A Voice in The Peanut Field

I never wrote nothing like this before, mostly because beings not too bright has always bothered me. But let me tell you how I got here all typing this on up. My honeybunch and me were sitting out in our front field one fine Virginia evening, except for the skeeters, most all of which are always coming up down from the swamp that is left and due north of where we are. So my girl says: “Honey, we’re gonna die a death by a gazillion skeeter bites if we don’t get to zapping ‘em all pretty soon.” She’s so bright. I’ll tell y’all, that pest zapper is a lifesaver. Most everybody round here has one. It’s the expensive big red square one with them blue crisscrossed bulbs and boy, when pests hit that unit all y’all are gonna see is white flashing stars. Anyhow, that little girl of mine is real bright and all, I thought to myself as she got up to tote the zapper on back out. So, I said: “Sugar, while you’re up and all, will you fetch me another beer and that extra pack of C-cells? Our mag light is dimming on out and I gotta finish Episode 13.” This book I been trying to understand is real good, mostly about an ol’ boy who is an outcast in his own country and everybody’s been turned against him, but he keeps on keeping on and just won’t quit. He ain’t got nowheres to move to neither.

I Got a Dog in This Fight!

But, anyways, back to how I got writing to y’all. I was scared nobody’d would want to read nothing I had to say. I figured big writers had to look up lots of big words to use and then put all them big little tiny words at the bottom of all the pages and then make up a lot more big tiny words to put at the back of the book, all of which makes it a big ol’ fat book only smarter folks than most can follow. Then again, this ol’ boy up the road told me I had to figure up a Numb Day Plumb, which is a phony name just like an A.K.A. in sheriff lingo, just in case I mess up and get anybody all riled on up. All that made me scared. But what made me more scareder than anything was saying anything anybody didn’t like about anybody. Nowadays you can still say anything here in America, except for anything anybody don’t like, but you can still say stuff about anybody anybody don’t like. So all you really gotta know is who anybody wants you to say stuff about. After that, well, then you gotta start being careful. I figured that much out myself.

Legalicide: How The Constitution Came Not To Be

Most of the smartest stuff I ever read I didn’t even know what they were talking about and that’s how I knew they were smart. Like the Constitution, which I read a bunch of times, starting in the fourth grade, but I was so dumb back then because I thought I knew what it all meant. Years on down the road, come to find out, I didn’t know nothing about what it really meant because I wasn’t no “Constitutional Scholar.” In fact, none of us didn’t know nothing what the Constitution really said and that’s why we need real smart lawyers to spell it all out for us. For instance, I thought them old guys just wrote out some stuff because it was true and I never knew they went and made a living breathing document that was eternally evolving. I always figured it was just plain ink writ words on real paper that them ol’ boys were telling us to remember and keep in mind so we could just keep on keeping on forever and ever, just like we always tried to do down here. But, it won’t. Turns out, them ol’ boys thought they was so smart, but nowadays it is clearly evident that their duplicitous textual construct, which they peddled upon the masses as a so called “document of liberation” is nothing more than an instrument designed solely to enrich themselves and their lackey running dogs at the expense and enslavement of the workers. In other words, them ol’ boys done got the wind kicked out of ‘em. So I got to thinking about this living breathing rascal and did me some investigating.

A Constitutional Investigation: Textual Construct, or Animated Creature?

Y’all ask: “What's a living, breathing, eternally evolving document?” That’s easy to explain. Like, for instance, if you give your kid a list of things to do, or not to do, or watch out for, that list automatically becomes a living breathing eternally evolving document. Did you know that? Yeah, it changes as the kid wants to change it. That is terrific because it saves you a lot of time going back and forth rewriting the list. So, you just write up the list, give it to your kid, and as the kid wants to, the kid can just evolve the living breathing list on up into some other living breathing list and never even has to bother you about what you meant in the first place. Same thing with anything you write. If anybody ever wants to evolve it on up, they just evolve it up to where they want it. Just like you gotta adjust your rifle scope every so often. You can’t just stick a scope on your rifle and that’s it. You gotta adjust it all the time. Adjusting is Evolving.

Evolvers: Deconstruction and Exposing the Virtual Text as a Global Construct

Who gets to be an Evolver? Anyone can. That’s the great part about living in America. All you gotta do is get into Evolving School and later on pass a Litmus Test (which has to come up red for passing). I tried to get a job as an Evolver once, but I failed the bar exam - it was the definition of “Is” part that did me in. There was a lot of stuff I wanted to evolve, too, like my truck payment, some old parking tickets, my transcripts, some old love letters, and my hunting license bag limits. “Is that twelve dead ducks?” The Game Warden might have asked. Well, I’d just pull out my Hunting License and start evolving them bag limits right on up. Like, for instance, this article here that y’all are reading. Now, if I step into something stinky with this, well, I’ll just evolve it on up and later on I’ll commence to tell y’all what it really said. I’m telling y’all, this evolving stuff ain’t all that hard.

It's For The Children!

Oh, so now you’re thinking you hate Evolvers? Well, then you must hate children, because children evolve too. Evolvers evolve because children evolve on up into Evolvers.

Involvers: The Niemoller Syndrome

So, y’all are asking: “What’s Involving, and who’s Involved?” I’m really glad you asked me that and I want to share this with you, because this is where the healing begins. Well, the answer to that is easy: Involvers. Now, this part is great. Involvers don’t really do nothing at all except being involved doing nothing. They just get to be involved. In other words, they just are involved. But then again, Evolvers can’t do nothing either unless the Involvers are just being involved doing nothing. This is a difficult conceptual relationship to understand because it is a philosophical type thing and we all know nobody understands philosophical type things. So let me try to explain this relationship by using a Learning Aid, which is an example. We know good ol’ Abe Lincoln was an Evolver, right? Well, he couldn’t have evolved nothing if the Involvers hadn’t been involved doing nothing. Do you follow me? I told you this stuff is tricky. Thank goodness for Constitutional Scholars! Well, anyhow, if Involvers have any function at all it is to convince everybody that nothing is being, has been, or will be evolved. Then they just keep their jobs and be. It just that simple, if you understand all the tricky evolving stuff that breathes in our living document, which we don’t, but they do, because they say it is clearly there for all to see, but we just can’t see any of it, because we are products of bad schools and think just because we read something we know what it means because knowing what something means is simply not that simple because we are simple and can’t understand simple and clear evolving. See, none of this is really confusing.

Pop Quiz Time!

“Who are Involvers?” Well, this is really easy to answer. Anyone is (and there’s that “Is” again) who don’t do nothing except just be involved by doing nothing and not being involved. It just ain’t all that hard to understand.

Devolvers: Spartacus, Lazarus, Essenes, et al v. The Publicans

I know y’all are thinking, “Well, if you can evolve, then can you also devolve?” No, to be short. If you can go up some stairs you should be able to come back down, if you want, right? Wrong. Way back around 1860 some Devolvers tried that and got in a big mess because they didn’t know what the document really said. They thought it said you can devolve, but the Evolvers said they were all wrong because you can only devolve if the Evolvers say you can devolve. So, you just can’t devolve because you want to. Then the Devolvers figured: “Sure you can devolve if you signed the document that says you can devolve.” The Devolvers thought if they were designers and if they signed what they all designed, which was that any of them could resign, then they could resign. Maybe they were products of bad schools too. Anyone will tell you: “Always read and understand whatever you are signing.” But they didn’t know that the Evolvers signed what they all designed and that they all signed, but that they could not resign unless it was co-signed by all the designers and that they could not resign. Later on, after this big scuffle, there would be some unsigning to re-a-sign and then some re-re-a-signing too. But that gets into a lot of signing, de-signing, co-signing, re-signing, and re-re-signing which all runs into a lot more simple complications than we have room to explain here. So, we’ll talk later about what signing really means in another signing article that’ll easily clear it all up for you.

Revolvers: Qumran, Atlanta, Nanking, Katyn Forest, Lidice, Malmady?

Well, ain’t there a Revolver clause? Sure is. But that don’t get used anymore because the Evolvers don’t like it. But the document says you can use the Revolver clause if you have to, don’t it? Sure you can, if you get permission from the Evolvers. These rules are not all that hard to understand, but since you are most likely a product of bad schools you can’t be expected to know this stuff. But, I digress. Some old Devolver guys got tricked once by the Evolvers into using the Revolver clause and the Evolvers jumped on them like a bum on a baloney sandwich. To stop any more of that business the Evolvers have this old time bloody shirt that they wave all around to show how dangerous using the Revolver clause can be. They pull it out all the time to show reg’lar people what happens to Devolvers mulling over that Revolver clause. So, No. You can’t use the Revolver clause unless Evolvers say you can.

Diametrical Propositions: A Causal Relationship on Liberty

Anyway, because of beings not too bright, I was wondering: How long will it take a living breathing eternally evolving document to die? Mostly I was wondering because if y’all are living, and breathing, then y’all gotta die someday. Right? But, if you are eternally evolving, then that sounds like y’all are gonna be round here forever and ever and ever. Right? I'm gonna have to go figure on all that and get back with y’all later. Anyhow, here comes my honeybunch with a cold beer and the C-Cells so now I can get back to studying what this ol’ wandering boy is all about. Nice jawing with y’all!


James Nicholson O'Reilly is a marginalized reg’lar guy with a B.A. in English & Irish Literature, and a M.S. in Secondary Education English from Canisius College, Buffalo, NY. At present he is unemployed, reading intensely on Constitutional issues, and writing prolifically on issues regarding being a marginalized reg’lar guy with a B.A. in English & Irish Literature, and a M.S. in Secondary Education English from Canisius College, Buffalo, NY. Mr. O’Reilly is also the Great Grandson of Sgt. Major Joshua Lundy Nicholson, 61st Virginia Infantry, Company G, Mahone’s Brigade, “The Confederate Defenders” and is Adjutant in the SCV/ Virginia Division, General William Mahone Camp 1369, Wakefield, Virginia.

Mr. O'Reilly often gets restless and enjoys verbal sparring. He may be reached for comment at


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